


set myself free

by wildesthyacinths



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: 5+1 Things, Attempt at Humor, Could Be Canon, Gay Zuko (Avatar), Gen, Heteronormativity, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Unrequited Love, Zuko is an Awkward Turtleduck, implied zuko/omc, lowkey anti-zutara i’m sorry, more like, not comic compliant, not lok compliant i don’t think, referenced mailee, referenced past jetko, tophuki if you squint
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-09
Updated: 2020-09-09
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:33:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,400
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26378098
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wildesthyacinths/pseuds/wildesthyacinths
Summary: The second he was gone, Toph turned to the group. “Twenty silver pieces to whoever figures out Sparky’s crush first.”5 times people tried to guess who Zuko liked, and the 1 time someone figured it out.
Relationships: Aang & Zuko (Avatar), Aang/Katara (Avatar), Katara & Zuko (Avatar), Sokka & Zuko (Avatar), Sokka/Suki (Avatar), Sokka/Zuko (Avatar), Toph & Zuko (Avatar), Zuko & Suki (Avatar), Zuko & Ty Lee (Avatar)
Comments: 16
Kudos: 621





	set myself free

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! This is my first time writing for Avatar, so I hope I got the characterization right. Also, just a heads’ up - it isn’t meant to be super angsty, but the “unrequited love” in this fic is genuinely unrequited. 
> 
> Anyways, enjoy!

The five-year anniversary of the war’s end was marked by a barrage of legislation, diplomatic visits, and festivals. The Fire Nation Royal Palace was never a calm place, but in the days leading up to the official anniversary it reached new levels of hectic. Especially because the Avatar and friends were coming to visit for a week.

Zuko had stayed in touch with all of the members of “Team Avatar” through letters, of course, but there was something special about meeting in-person. Via boat, ostrich-horse, and flying bison, his friends arrived to celebrate five years of peace. It was the most relaxed Zuko had felt in months. At least, it had been until their first dinner together.

The six of them were seated at the Firelord’s table to eat. Suki was telling a story from Kyoshi Island while Toph made snarky commentary. Sokka watched his girlfriend speak with an obnoxiously sappy smile across his face. Katara, Aang, and Zuko were all in fits of laughter.

The servers brought out their dinner, and Katara gasped.

“Zuko! Are these steamed shark-squid dumplings?” she asked. “How did you get these?”

“I wanted you two to have some familiar food,” Zuko said, gesturing at the Water Tribe siblings, hoping his tone seemed casual. “I know Fire Nation cuisine can be spicy if you’re not used to it, and I think maybe Sokka mentioned these dumplings in a letter once.”

“Tui and La, you remember that?” Sokka grinned from across the table. “These are my favorite!”

Of course I remember, Zuko thought, but he just shrugged and plucked one of the dumplings off its plate.

Katara touched Aang’s shoulder. “Pass me a dumpling, sweetie?”

“Sure,” her fiancé agreed, before holding one up and feeding it to her. Katara smiled at Aang, her eyes soft and loving, and though he couldn’t see Aang’s expression, Zuko knew it must be mirrored.

“Oogies,” commented Sokka around a mouthful of shark-squid. 

“Oh, come on.” Katara shot a glare at Sokka’s arm, resting around Suki, and he laughed sheepishly.

“Ugh. Couples.” Toph elbowed Zuko, hard, in the side. “Sparky, do these guys look as stupid as they sound?”

“Hey!” Sokka complained indignantly. “Suki and I were barely-”

Aang frowned. “No, Toph’s right. We shouldn’t be so… flaunty. Sorry, Zuko.”

Zuko blinked, caught off guard, and set down his glass of sake. “Me? Why just me? Toph isn’t seeing anyone either.”

“But after... everything... with you and Mai?” Katara said hesitantly.

“That ended a year ago,” Zuko reminded her. “You don’t have to tiptoe around me. And anyways…” What could he even say about that? Anyways, I actually wasn’t ever in love with my girlfriend of four and a half years? “Um, never mind.” Maybe they would let it go.

Suki was too smart for that. She leaned forward a little. “Anyways what?”

“Nothing,” he said, too fast.

“Doesn’t seem like nothing-” Sokka gasped. “Zuko! Is there someone else?”

The whole table went expectantly silent. Zuko cursed, inwardly. That wasn’t what he’d meant at all. “What? No.” It sounded unconvincing even to his own ears.

“Your heart rate disagrees,” sang Toph, smiling wickedly. 

“Zuko, that’s wonderful!” Katara exclaimed. “What’s her name?”

“We are not having this conversation,” he snapped.

“Come on, Zuko, you can trust us! We’re your friends!” Aang piped in.

“Are you, like, a thing? Or not yet?” Suki said.

“I don’t have a… a thing with anyone!” Zuko retorted. “And I don’t want to talk about this!”

“Relax, it’s not like we’re going to tell her,” Toph said, a little too innocently to be believable. “We probably don’t even know her, right?”

“I don’t-”

“Do you think she likes you back?” Sokka interrupted. This was the last straw.

“If I had a chance, don’t you think I would have mentioned this before?!” Zuko yelled. “Or if it was someone you didn’t know?”

The whole table went silent. Zuko looked away from them all, face hot with shame.

“I mean.. No?” offered Sokka finally. “Honestly, Hotman, you’ve always been kind of closed off about this kind of stuff. Like, you never talked about your relationship with Mai, even before you guys broke up.”

Zuko sighed. “Look, can we just move on? I really don’t want to talk about this right now.”

“Sorry, Zuko,” Katara said softly, laying a hand on his arm. “We just want you to be happy.”

“Thanks,” he muttered, and smiled gratefully at Suki as she changed the subject.

The topic didn’t come up for the rest of dinner, but towards the end, a guard came in. “Your Majesty, a word? It will only take a moment.”

“Of course.” Zuko exited the hall with a quick apology to his friends.

The second he was gone, Toph turned to the group. “Twenty silver pieces to whoever figures out Sparky’s crush first.”

And so it began.

1.

Zuko wasn’t in his room the next morning, and his guards told Aang to check the courtyard. Sure enough, the Firelord was there, practicing his Bending. It was strange, still, to think of him that way. Zuko - awkward, dramatic, loveable Zuko - was the leader of an ex-imperial power.

“Flameo, Hotman,” called Aang, descending the steps to join his friend. Zuko smiled but didn’t stop his motions, so Aang joined in. For close to half an hour the pair practiced together, only stopping once the sun had filled the courtyard with uncomfortable heat.

Zuko led Aang over to a waterskin, and they took turns drinking.

“So!” Aang started. He wanted to get this over with.

Zuko raised an eyebrow warily. “So…?”

“So…” Ugh. He couldn’t do it. It was just too intrusive. “So, I noticed that you have some new portraits up. Did your court painter get replaced?” he asked instead.

“Oh, yes. His grandson, Chaon, has started doing some of the portraits.” Zuko’s cheeks were red from exertion as he launched into a story about the new painter.

They sat in the shade and talked for a while about the portraits, the new guards, and a piece of new legislation Zuko was planning to pass. It wasn’t until Zuko mentioned Mai offhandedly that Aang remembered the reason he had come to talk to him.

“Zuko,” Aang blurted before he could lose his nerve. “Who…” He lost his nerve. “...have you kissed?”

Zuko raised his eyebrow, clearly blindsided. “Huh?”

“Kissed. Like, obviously Mai, but was there anyone else?”

“Why?” asked Zuko suspiciously. “Aang, I already said I didn’t want to talk about my love life.”

“That wasn’t... I wasn’t asking because...” floundered Aang, then sighed. “Okay, you got me. I don’t want to pressure you into telling me anything, but I was thinking, if I knew who you’d kissed, maybe it would help me figure out your type. And I won’t make you talk about your crush,” he added hastily, sensing Zuko’s argument. “I just think it would be helpful for you to think about and maybe move on!”

Zuko rolled his eyes, but Aang waited patiently. 

“It’s been years,” Zuko said finally, turning his face away so that Aang could only see the scarred side. “I don’t think something like that’s going to help me… move on.”

Aang had never heard Zuko say much about any romantic feelings, and it seemed like even this was painful, so he changed the subject. They walked out of the courtyard together before plunging into a series of meetings. It didn’t come up again all day.

That night, however, as Zuko walked Aang back to his rooms after another group dinner, he stopped in the hallway. He was silent for a moment, staring at a point on the wall across from them. Aang didn’t want Katara to have to wait up for him too late, but his curiosity was piqued, and he stayed silent.

“Mai, obviously. Jin- a girl in Ba Sing Se. Ty Lee, once, when we were little, just to see what it was like. And…” Zuko broke off. “That’s it, I guess, for who I’ve kissed. But on the ferry to Ba Sing Se…” 

He paused again, then continued, voice stilted, like it was difficult to get the words out. “We could have kissed. I wanted to. But I was... ashamed.” He looked at Aang, expression guarded, and kept walking.

Aang sensed, somehow, that what Zuko had just said had been important. That his words had some sort of hidden meaning. But what?

“Is it Ty Lee?” he asked eventually. “Who you love.”

Zuko laughed quietly. “No. Reasonable guess, though. It would make sense.”

They had reached Aang and Katara’s suite. Zuko opened the door for his friend. “Good night, Aang.”

“Good night.”

The door clicked shut between them.

2\. 

The third day of their visit, Toph managed to catch Zuko alone. She wasn’t cruel, after all. As he headed away from lunch, she ran to catch his arm. “Sparky.”

“Hey, Toph. I have this meeting…” Zuko hedged.

“I have on too, I’ll be quick.” She could tell he was nervous from the increased speed of his heart rate. “Hey. Calm down. Just wanted to let you know I figured it out.”

If his heart rate had been fast before, it was nothing compared to now. “Figured what out?”

“Don’t patronize me.”

“Sorry?”

“It’s okay.” She punched his arm, and ignored the guard who cleared her throat meaningfully behind them. They should be used to how she showed the Firelord she cared about him by now. “I’m not going to say anything to the others.”

He was silent. Toph took it as a cue to continue. “I mean, there are only so many reasons you wouldn’t want to tell the group who you like. We’re your best friends! Aside from Mai, I guess. It has to be someone in Team Avatar.”

“Mai and I aren’t friends anymore. Why would we be?” asked Zuko, as they turned a corner. She could tell he was deflecting, but permitted it.

“Please. I know she’s always been really important to you, even if it wasn’t romantic.” For some reason Zuko tensed at this, but Toph plowed on. “Because you’re into Honeycomb.”

“Honey- you mean Suki?” Zuko yelped. “What?!”

“Quit pretending. The way you act whenever she and Sokka do romantic things? So clearly jealous. And what’s not to like? She’s smart, fun, strong... I don’t need sight to know she’s pretty hot... look, I get why you don’t want her to know, but it’s not a big deal.”

Zuko started to laugh.

“What?” demanded Toph.

“I don’t like Suki,” he said. “And I know you can tell I’m not lying. We’re friends, that’s all.” With that, his footsteps faded as he passed her and strode into the meeting hall.

Huh. He really hadn’t been lying. She’d been so sure.

3.

Ty Lee had been beyond thrilled to return to the Fire Nation Royal Palace for a few days. Suki had only brought a handful of the Kyoshi warriors with her, and though Suki had downplayed it, Ty Lee knew it was an honor to be chosen.

Plus she got to see old friends. For example…

“Zuko!” Ty Lee did a cartwheel and broke into a sprint through the hall toward her friend, only to be blocked by three intimidating royal guards who had materialized in front of the Firelord.

“It’s okay,” Zuko told them. “Let her pass.”

Ty Lee gave him a brilliant smile, and once the guards reluctantly stepped aside, threw her arms around him. “I haven’t seen you in ages! Can you believe the war has only been over for five years?”

Zuko shrugged, pulling back gently. “It seems much shorter to me, honestly. Sometimes when I go into the throne room, I can still hear his voice.”

She hummed sympathetically, not needing to ask who he meant. It was interesting - in the past, trying to get Zuko to talk about anything personal had been painful at best and ineffective at worst. Now he willingly shared his feelings. She was struck, again, by how different this Zuko was from the one she’d grown up with. Not bad. Just different.

“So… I guess you probably want to go and catch up with Mai, right?” Zuko asked after a second of silence too long. That awkwardness was something that hadn’t changed.

Ty Lee laughed. “What do you think I’ve been doing these past few days, huh? I would’ve tried to find you sooner, but we’ve been catching up.”

He looked at her, surprised. “You would have?”

His expression, so guarded, made her heart break. “Of course. You know, you’re also my friend, Zuko.”

“Oh. I just assumed, after Mai and I broke up, that you’d want to be with her.” His gaze had softened.

“She’s never asked me not to be your friend,” Ty Lee said gently. “And anyways, you broke up ages ago. Speaking of which…”

Zuko cut her a quick, annoyed look. “What?”

“I heard there was a girl….” she trilled.

He groaned. “Spirits. There isn’t a girl. Who told you?”

“Suki, but don’t change the subject. A woman, then? I thought it might be June. Wouldn’t blame you.”

“June the bounty-hunter?” Zuko yelped. “She’s old enough to be my aunt!”

Ty Lee studied him out of the corner of her eye. “So you don’t have a thing for older women?”

“No!”

“Huh. I thought that might explain why you don’t seem to like younger women either.” She kept her tone intentionally light, but from the way he stiffened, she could tell Zuko understood her meaning.

He opened and closed his mouth a few times, then spoke. “Ty Lee, please don’t say anything. I don’t know if there’s a bet going, or what, but I don’t want to hear any other guesses you might have, and I’d rather you didn’t share them with the others either.”

“Okay,” she agreed, guiltily. “Sorry. I shouldn’t have pushed.”

“Thanks.” Zuko started to walk the other way, but she reached out to catch at his arm. 

“Zuko. You should talk to Mai. She misses her best friend.”

He frowned. “Aren’t you her best friend?”

“I’m different,” Ty Lee said, and waited until his eyes widened with realization before pressing a kiss to his cheek. “See you around, Zuko!”

With that, she backflipped down the hall and towards her girlfriend’s room.

4\. 

Suki had been trying to decide all week whether to try and talk to Zuko alone. On the one hand, his love life was his business, and he clearly didn’t want to talk about it. On the other, she was pretty curious. And if the girl he liked was who she thought it was, didn’t she have a responsibility to confirm it and get the rest of the group to leave him alone?

On the fifth day of their visit, she made her decision. Dessert was wrapping up - Zuko had had the chefs prepare kale cookies, which Sokka and Katara were thrilled about. As everyone prepared to leave, Suki spoke up. “Zuko, could I talk to you for a moment?”

“Um, sure,” Zuko replied awkwardly.

“Good luck,” Sokka whispered into her ear. “Tell me first if you find out.” He squeezed her hand before standing and dragging Toph (who winked encouragingly) out of the room. Aang glanced between Suki and Zuko before saying, “oh, right, Katara and I were just going to- yeah.”

Soon it was just Suki and Zuko. They rarely spent time alone together, and Suki sensed that Zuko might be uncomfortable, so she asked right away, “I was wondering if I could get your opinion on a case that’s come up in Kyoshi?”

He relaxed visibly, and they worked through the problem together quickly. But as Zuko went to stand, she pulled him back into his chair. “Actually, while we’re here, there was one other thing.”

“Yes?”

“I’m sorry for teasing you about your crush the other day. I think I know who it is, and I understand why you wouldn’t want to share it with us.”

Zuko stared at her for a second. “Okay, there’s definitely a bet on me-”

“There is,” admitted Suki. “That’s not the only reason I’m asking, though-”

“-but I’ll just say, no offense intended, everyone else has thought they figured it out, I doubt you have the right person in mind.”

Suki laughed gently. “Okay, well, I know who they guessed-”

“You’ve all been talking about it?!”

“-and they were just that, guesses. I have evidence,” she informed him. 

He squinted at her. “Evidence? I doubt it”

“Yeah, it’s sure been difficult to figure out why you kept ordering Water Tribe delicacies, doing your hair extra nicely, and spending all of your free time with us…” she said drily.

He scoffed, but he wouldn’t meet her eyes. “You guys are my friends. Of course I want to spend time with you. And I want everyone to feel at home here. It’s pretty much the opposite of the Water Tribe, so I thought the familiar foods would be nice.”

Suki slammed her hand down on the table. “That’s another thing. You’re opposites. Fire and water. They say opposites attract.” 

His head shot toward her, but she continued without pause. “Give it up, Zuko. I can tell. You’re in love with Katara.”

Zuko burst out laughing. “Katara? You must be kidding.”

“No, I’m not,” she said firmly. “Zuko, I understand why you didn’t want her to know. Of course it would be too awkward, with her in a relationship with Aang. But you don’t have to lie to me about it. I can make sure she doesn’t ask you about it.”

“It’s not Katara,” he said, face falling. Oh. “But. You were right about, um, about the relationship thing.” He glanced at her before continuing, an edge to his voice, “There are actual reasons I don’t want to talk about it, you know.”

“Sorry, Zuko, I shouldn’t have brought it up again,” she admitted, taking the hint. “Actually, it’s kind of a relief to hear I was wrong. Even if Aang wasn’t in the way, I bet you and Katara would drive each other insane. You’re both too hot-headed. No offense.”

“None taken,” he replied, his golden eyes pensive, before sighing. “It would be simpler, though, right? If I was secretly in love with Katara. It would make a good story.”

“Nice and tragic,” Suki agreed, half-joking, “the best kind of romance.”

He sighed. “But I only see her as a sister. And honestly, I think my story is tragic enough already.”

Zuko was the only person Suki knew who could say something like that and have it sound heartbreaking instead of laughably melodramatic. 

“Best of luck with whoever it is, then,” she said finally.

“Thank you, Suki. Good night.”

He left her at the table, mind whirling.

5.

Suki slipped back in through the door to their rooms half an hour after the end of dinner, and Sokka sat up in their bed immediately. “Well? Did you figure it out?”

She shook her head, sending her short hair swishing. She looked beautiful, as always. “No. Sokka… I think he really doesn’t want to talk about it. If you can’t get an answer by tomorrow, we should give it a rest.”

“Okay,” he whispered. “Sweet dreams, love.” He kissed her and felt her mouth curve in a smile.

Moments like these, curled together under the blankets, the peaceful edge of Suki’s face silvered by Yue’s light, made his heart almost hurt with contentment.

Whoever she is, I hope she gives Zuko this happiness, Sokka thought, and fell asleep in Suki’s arms.

The next morning, he invited Zuko on a walk through the gardens. They visited the turtleduck pond, and Sokka watched as his friend knelt to feed the creatures. He had spent five days pointedly not bringing it up, but he had to know.

“Hey,” he said at last, and Zuko looked up, his expression so open that for a moment Sokka forgot what he had been planning to say. “Who’s the girl?”

Well, he’d never claimed to be a master of subtlety.

Zuko’s face hardened. He stood, abruptly, from the pond, brushing off his robes. “I thought out of everyone, you would leave me alone about this.”

“Guess you don’t know me that well,” Sokka tried to joke, but it sounded flat even to his own ears. He grabbed Zuko’s arm to pull him back down, which was a mistake, as Zuko whipped around to glare at him, their faces inches apart.

“Don’t know you?” Zuko’s pale face had flushed with red, and Sokka regretted how embarrassed he had clearly made his friend. “Sokka. I know you.” 

There was a strange weight to his words, his gaze boring into Sokka for a second before he tore his arm away.

“Zuko-” Sokka stood, too, hands raised in surrender.

“I should be working,” Zuko said, but didn’t move.

“It’s Toph, isn’t it?” Sokka asked.

Zuko gazed at him for a few long moments, then sighed. “No. Sokka, if you haven’t figured it out by now, I doubt you will.” Again, Sokka sensed that he was missing something, but he had no clue what.

They didn’t bring it up again.

+1.

The official anniversary of Firelord Ozai’s defeat came on the seventh and final day of Katara and her friends’ visit to the Fire Nation. She sat quietly throughout several diplomatic speeches, clapping extra hard for the Water ambassador, a kind young waterbender from the Northern Tribe who she had met a few times. The world was still recovering from years of war, but positive progress was being made too.

When it was Aang’s turn to speak, he shared a sweet, earnest story about his friendship with Zuko. There was thunderous applause as the Avatar toasted the Firelord and brought out a ceremonial gift.

“While Katara and I were visiting the ruins of an Air Temple, we found this - a portrait the Avatar Roku had commissioned of himself and Firelord Sozin, from their childhood days. I knew you would want it.” Aang smiled as Zuko accepted the portrait.

“Thank you, Avatar Aang,” Zuko said, sitting back down as the feast began. 

Everything seemed normal. But when the court painter, a young man named Chaon who Katara was reasonably sure Zuko considered a friend, came up to compliment the portrait, she watched as his fingers went white from gripping the portrait so tightly it had to hurt.

Katara put it out of her mind. The evening passed in a flurry of delicious food and dancing. At the end of it all, the six friends escaped to sit on a balcony together.

“I’ll miss you all,” Zuko blurted suddenly.

“We’ll miss you too,” Sokka replied, his tone serious for once. “And try to make as many diplomatic trips here as we can, of course.” There was a chorus of agreement from everyone except Toph, who simply kicked Zuko in the leg before muttering, “I guess I’ll miss you too.”

Before long it was time for everyone to go to sleep. Katara looked over at Zuko, who was clearly lost in thought, and kissed Aang on the cheek with a quick “be right there” as he headed to their bedroom.

“Zuko, what’s on your mind?” she asked.

He looked like he wasn’t going to say anything, but then he tilted his head to look down at her. “Katara, did you know about Aang’s present for me?”

“It’s traditional for the Avatar to give a gift on an occasion like this,” she said, uncertainly. “Are you asking if I knew what he was giving you? I did.”

“Why did he give me something to do with… Sozin and Roku?”

“Roku once visited Aang from the Spirit World to explain the connection they had. I thought you knew, too.” Her explanation didn’t seem to comfort Zuko.

“Was it his way of telling me he... knows? Why would he do that so publicly?” Zuko ran a hand through his hair, agitated. “Couldn’t he have just talked to me about it?”

“That he knew… what?” Katara asked, bewildered. “Haven’t you talked about Roku and Sozin’s friendship before?”

Zuko stared at her. “Their friendship?”

She tilted her head. “...Yes? What were you talking about?”

“Well, I thought since Roku told Aang about it directly, he would know…” Zuko hesitated for a few long moments, clearly lost in thought. “Unless he was ashamed. But I thought in the Spirit World…”

Katara was losing patience quickly. “Zuko, what do you mean? Of course he was ashamed of being friends with a genocidal dictator, but he told Aang all about that.”

“Not all, apparently,” Zuko said, pausing to give her an appraising look before continuing. “They weren’t friends. They were lovers.”

Her mouth dropped open. “You’re joking.”

Zuko’s expression was completely serious. “Their relationship was an open secret in the Fire Nation.”

Frowning, Katara thought about it. “I believe you, actually. That’s… wow.” Then she thought about it some more, and remembered Zuko’s reaction to the gift.“So, wait… you were upset because you thought Aang was trying to say something about… you?”

Zuko didn’t meet her eyes. “Well, he wouldn’t have been without reason.”

Oh. Oh. A lot of things suddenly made a lot more sense.

Katara crossed the balcony to her friend and hugged him, feeling a strange sense of dejá vu. “Oh, Zuko, I’m sorry. Everyone has been so...” Her face hidden in his robe, she whispered, “it’s my brother, isn’t it?”

He said nothing, but from the look in his eyes, she knew she was right.

“Don’t tell him,” Zuko said.

“Of course not.”

She gave him a small smile and left him standing at the balcony, looking at that painting.

In the morning, Katara watched Zuko’s face redden as her brother hugged him goodbye, and wondered how she had missed it. She saw him pointedly ignore Suki and Sokka’s goodbye kiss, and noted that Suki seemed to notice too, her gaze sympathetic.

But from his letters, she could tell he was focused on helping the world, not matters of the heart. A year later, at Sokka and Suki’s wedding, Zuko’s tears seemed more of joy than sorrow. And after that, when she visited Caldera again and found Zuko waving an enthusiastic good morning to a blushing Chaon, Katara smiled to herself.

Maybe some part of Zuko would always love Sokka. But that didn’t mean he couldn’t find happiness.


End file.
